A night like the Grammys deserves hard-hitting journalism, like seeing what Tekken 8 fighters Taylor Swift would main. Are you ready for it?
With the Grammys upon us there's only one question on my mind: Who would cultural icon and accused American football ruiner Taylor Swift main in the Tekken 8? After all, I'm a firm believer that who we pick in a fighting game is a true look into the essence and soul of humanity. It's a choice that reflects your hopes, wishes, and dreams for yourself.
So, what does that mean for the current biggest celebrity in the world?
Well, look no further! As, potentially, the biggest Swiftie on the esports.gg staff, finding the answer to the Tekken 8 Taylor Swift question falls to me. That, and... If we're being honest, I'm not going to watch the Grammys, even for ole T-Swizzle.
What happens when fist meets fate meets 'I knew you were trouble when I walked in'? Let's find out.
Taylor Swift and Tekken 8: A matter of Eras
Obviously, we need metrics set in place if we're going to get down to business. A rubric of some kind will help us to determine the all-important task of who Taylor Swift would main in Tekken 8. The answer, I believe, lies in not one choice, but multiple. After all, we're coming up on the end of The Eras Tour. It only makes sense that we lay out The Old Taylor's choice of Tekken fighter based on each era of Ms. Swift herself.
Debut Era - Jun Kazama
The purest Taylor Swift era calls for the purest Tekken 8 fighter. Enter, Jun Kazama. Former ghost? Naive choice in men? Followed around by small animals wherever she goes? These two have so much in common that it's spooky. Dating aesthetics aside, Taylor would choose Jun purely for the fact that she gives off the calmest energy of the entire roster. In a game full of bears, zombie men, multiple demons, and Lars' stupid hair, Jun stands out as an almost motherfuly pick.
Fearless Era - Asuka Kazama
Yes, we're keeping it within the family. After all, Jun and Asuka are similar is style and moves. The difference, however, is that Asuka possesses all the teenaged bravado shown by Taylor in the Fearless Era. Now a hitmaker and writing her own music, but also still that shy country darling, Taylor Swift would gravitate towards Asuka in Tekken 8. Defensive in nature, yet fiery in spirit, the two share a lot in common.
Also, doesn't Taylor seem like a parry character kind of gal?
Tekken 8 Taylor Swift picks: Speak Now
Hardened by the world and now making her own mistakes on a worldwide stage, the Speak Now Era is a Taylor turning point. Also, you just don't come back from something like dating John Mayer. This would be the time for Taylor to move into a radical, new direction. What better way to do that than repping Paul? Not only does he seem like her type at the time, but Paul is a fighter all about throwing caution to the wind, making some mistakes, and believing in yourself.
Also, I just wasn't super into Taylor's hair during this period, so she has that in common with Paul also.
Red Era - Azucena
We're going to cheat here and say that the Taylor Swift Tekken 8 character choice for the Red Era goes to the fighter most prominently wearing the color. The new girl on the Tekken block, Azucena is a fiery Peruvian MMA fighter looking to make her name and brand known the world around. Likewise, the Taylor Swift Red Era was when she fully became a pop icon and hitmaker outside of country music circles, never to return.
Despite feeling 22, it's where Taylor grew up the most. Likewise, Azucena steps out onto the world stage, solo.
Taylor Swift Tekken 8 picks: 1989 Era
I've often seen 1989 described as Taylor's most 'conservative' album--which is to say, her most mainstream. I don't disagree with this statement. Spending 11 weeks at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 and with seven singles, it's certainly the one most forced upon the world. Likewise, it only makes sense that she would finally turn to Tekken 8 poster boy Jin Kazama. If you're going to be all things to all people then it only makes sense to go with one of--if not the most--popular characters in the franchise.
But there's always a massive fall following a meteoric rise. A dark side, if you will. So, it only makes sense...
Reputation Era - Devil Jin
A dark transformation, like an itch that demands scratching. The Reputation Era for Taylor Swift isn't all that different from the demonic form of Jin in Tekken 8. Both are just a... bit too much, yet still has ardent defenders. It's honestly a shock that Taylor ever made it back to prominence after such an unliked, unwanted turn.
However, much like Jin's friends and loved ones turned him back from the brink of oblivion, so did Taylor return to the light--but not without some significant scars. Also, Reputation Taylor just seems like the kind of person to spam lazer beams across the stage until you rage quit.
Lover Era - Panda
WHEW, that got a bit intense, huh? Let's all just step back, take a deep breath, and reset that good ole PR machine. After all, wouldn't want to become so unlikable that we stop making money, would we? The Lover Era felt as much like an attempt to remind fans around the world that Taylor could still make decent music. Likewise, I think Panda is a perfect representation for Ms. Swift at this time.
Is Panda a good pick? Not at all. However, there's plenty that still choose the Kuma clone and utilize her power, quirkiness, and ability to take up space. There's still room for improvement, but maybe it's more about having fun than being good sometimes?
Taylor Swift Tekken 8: Folklore/Evermore Era
A fair warning, this is my favorite Era of Taylor Swift and where I became a fan. Maybe it was the scariness of the world in 2020. Perhaps it was the insanity of being locked up at home, unable to go anywhere. But Taylor's landmark album, Folklore, spoke to me in ways an album hadn't in awhile. A stripped down, emotions-baring piece of art, both Folklore and its follow-up, Evermore, almost feel like music from a completely different artist from previous works. A return to basics.
And if you're going for a woodlands aesthetic than there's only one real pick: A woodlands creature. This also makes sense, as Kuma is by far my favorite Tekken fighter of all time. He's also the most unchanged across the franchise, still pretty much the same fighter he was in the first Tekken. This era was all about a return to form, so why not make that form the guise of a giant, arm-swinging bear of destruction?
Midnights Era - Reina
As a concept album, I don't think Midnights gets enough credit. We've all sat awake at the ungodly hours of the night, pondering the thoughts that only come from being up too late, making bad ideas, or retrospectively looking within. Sometimes that means we're giddy, other times we search for the hidden evil, look it into the eye, and contemplate that side of ourselves we wear like a mask.
And, really, is there no better encapsulation of that than the newest addition to the Tekken roster, Reina? A mystery wrapped around the candy coating of a bubbly teen while also hiding a true darkness. There would be no better pick for Midnights Taylor Swift in Tekken 8 than Reina.
Also, I think Taylor could pull of Raijin Parry into Thunder God Fist. No lie.
BONUS UPDATE: Tortured Poets Department Era
Wouldn't you know, shortly after the publishing of this article a new Taylor Swift album was announced. Coming this April, The Tortured Poets Department gives off the vibe of 80s sensual electronica with a stripped-down aesthetic. But, more importantly, who would this Era of Swift main?
We'll provide this all-important information once we've heard the record.
Stay tuned to esports.gg for esports news and Tekken 8 information.